i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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