so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am puke
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
