i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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