She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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