Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
