I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
