I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
