sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
