dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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