My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
