I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
