I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
