What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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