That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
