When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
