So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
