when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
