Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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