Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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