Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize