I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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