were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
