when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
