Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
