You just made me feel so damn special
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
