We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
