I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
