Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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