My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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