can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
