she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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