just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
