8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
