Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
