if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
