my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
