almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
