there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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