I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
