she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
