Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
