We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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