too bad you live with your parents still
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
