I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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