I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
