I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
