I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize