ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
