i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
