we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
