Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
