I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize