SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
