sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
