Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
