Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My cat gives me a boner
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
