If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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