found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
