And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
