i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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