Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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