I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
