He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
