I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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