Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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