You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
