i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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