I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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