i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
