Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
