hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
