Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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