C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
