she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
