how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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