Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
