Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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