All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You can't just leave with hair like that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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