theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
