its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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