I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
