Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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