he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
