To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
