so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
