i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i will never coherently bang her
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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