There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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