I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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